hiatus

Hi space,

I've neglected you, haven't I. And I only turn to you when my mind is like a runaway train, when I attempt to pen down these conflicting thoughts, conflicting feelings, lest they tear me apart inside out.

happy bear

I've been a happy bear this week because I've finally settled housing, finally gotten down to looking at the modules i'm taking next sem and making sure i can graduate by next year, finally got to finish this drama i have been meaning to finish, finally started on 100 years of solitude which is mind blowing btw and started shopping for stuff to smuggle back to the usa.

This sweltering heat is making me drown in drowsiness i swear. Giving me lots of motivation to chop off my hair too haha. but i still need a lot more courage, super chicken when it comes to cutting hair.

Can't think of any more updates so till then :)

Ramble

I've been so forgetful lately it has convinced me that there's a black hole somewhere in my brain. Like how I demanded that the cashier at GongCha give me my receipt so i can have the collection number, only to find it in my wallet. If i was a guy, she might have thought that was the worst pick-up attempt ever.

Anw, my internship ended today! Which means summer is ending and yet kinda beginning at the same time. Going to Melb to visit the sister which means philips island and road trips and... TIM TAMS. The cold weather should be a good break from Singapore's choking humidity, although i stupidly left all my winter clothes back in US D:

Met up with cherry and wilbert after work today and i made the biggest discovery of my life. Okay this is really embarrassing but to let everyone who is feeling dumb feel better about themselves, here goes..

I freaking thought drumstick = thigh meat (context: we were having dinner at KFC). And I was scolding Cherry for eating the breast meat and not the drumstick when she told me she wanted the thigh part for her chicken. Ya, she was actually eating the correct part of the chicken. Omg so yes, for 21 years of my life, i never thought the thigh part actually existed. i always thought drumstick was like... THE ENTIRE CHICKEN LEG OR SOMETHING. Sigh, I must have forced so many people to eat drumsticks when they were asking for thigh meat.

End of story. People, you can now feel better about yourself and rejoice that I never became a doctor or something.

Some say to survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter

Today, I realized how shielded and terribly lucky being a student (or child in general) is. Responsibility and commitment don’t mean a thing until they actually come with real consequences. The label of a student makes everything so much more forgivable, mistakes often attributed to the innocence and ignorance of age. That too prevents us from beating ourselves up after every mistake made. It is kind of a given that children make mistakes, isn’t it?

And then we grow up and out of the immunity of age. We feel raw, exposed and vulnerable. Every mistake, even the small ones, seems so jarring and inexcusable, because they can no longer be wiped off with a detention or a letter of repent. There are the smirking colleagues waiting for you to fall, the kind ones who shower you with empathy and understanding that ironically cuts your skin even more.

We soon find a new skin to cover this naked vulnerability. Maybe it is the insight that things are often not that bad in retrospect, and might not even matter in the greater scheme of life. Perhaps it is the moment of epiphany when one realizes life is not about external affirmation or vain achievements. It takes years for some and a lifetime for others. I’m not even sure if it exists but I get a certain comfort when I see my parents unflinchingly rejecting the steak that has not been cooked to perfection while I gaze at the floor awkwardly. It convinces me that there are things that I might not know how to do yet, but that somehow things will fall into place.

I think it comes when you realize that people don’t in fact care about you as much as you think they do. It probably helps too when you have had your reports and presentations ripped down to pieces multiple times. You will probably cry your eyes out and pronounce yourself the biggest idiot the first time. But you learn to let go after maybe 2, 3 or idk nth times... and from then on, it will never get to you again.

Finally, you are invincible.

Credits: Tumblr

i say maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me

It's the twilight zone.

Not the creepy and all weird TV show.

Or the deepest part of the ocean till which light can penetrate.

It's the limbo that makes me feel all light like a bubble waiting to pop.

set you free

There're so many things to do but the only thing i want to do now is clean up my itunes and update my playlists so that they have "nice" number of songs. By nice i mean rounded, pretty numbers (eg. 100)

Will go register for GRE/ buy GRE book/ look for apartment soon. promise.

gosh gonna be a hobo D:

when the lights go out

MCR: Summertime

Most fitting song for summer 2011